8,886

eight thousand eight hundred eighty six
eight thousand eight hundred eighty six miles

i let my dependence go
maybe we can have a real friendship one day
once you respect me as a valid person

youre my willing suspension of disbelief
youre the only real person i know

scaredy cat

I'm afraid of everything. Really. Did you know the world turns around in one day? And still it never ends in the same place it started.
I think the future is just about the scariest concept to ever press upon me and I can't seem to find time to catch my breath.
My fears push so much farther past this, beyond the future and unavoidable concepts like time. I am afraid of so much. Just alone, inside of me, is so much fear that I can't really remember what I look like half the time.
I'm afraid of the future, I'm afraid of the past. I'm afraid to face every mistake I've made, every crime I've committed. I'm afraid that I won't overcome all my faults. I'm too afraid to committ to overcoming my flaws. I'm afraid I'll never succeed. I'm too afraid to try. I'm afraid to show people who I really am. I'm afraid to be myself. I'm afraid to look forward. I'm too afraid to think about some things for too long. I run from my own thoughts.
I can't picture anything beyond tomorrow. I can't see myself anywhere in this world 10 years from now, 5 years from now, 2 years from now. I can't seem to overcome my fears because I'm too afraid of whats on the other side.

I really can't get a grip on this spinning world and it scares me to death. I'm having trouble breathing.